Lizzy says:

Hello!

My boyfriend recently broke up with me. He said he’s not ready for a relationship. What happened? We were together for over a year, and I just don’t understand. Please help! What do I do?

Dear Lizzy,

First of all, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Any breakup is hard, but especially one that’s seemingly out of nowhere. Just know you’re not alone, and things will get easier as time goes on.

Unfortunately, this is a situation where you may never understand what happened. Sometimes, people fight battles silently. In a partnership, we expect total transparency and outright communication at every step of the way. But, sometimes, people lack the emotional maturity for that kind of vulnerability.

I just went through this exact same thing. And it absolutely sucks. I was with the man I thought I was going to marry, and he decided one day that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. There were no signs. There were no indicators. The night before, he got his nose pierced with me, and he told me he wanted me to be his wife. 24 hours later, we were broken up, not speaking to each other at all. To say it’s been brutal is a complete understatement.

That happened a month ago. I’m still patiently awaiting the day where I don’t wake up expecting to see him next to me. I’m still waiting for the day where I stop expecting a phone call from him. I’m still waiting for the day where I don’t cry, where I don’t want to reach out, where I stop missing him.

But something I’ve slowly been realizing is that I can’t read between the lines anymore. Unfortunately, I’m understanding that I have to take my ex at face value. He told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore, and, just to make it through each day, I had to tell myself that what he actually meant was he didn’t want to be with me right now. Or that he didn’t want a relationship at all. Or that he’s just confused, and that he’ll be back any day now. But at the end of the day, none of that is fair to me. I have to accept what he said.

As much as I’ll always support someone else’s delusions, I think, for your own sake and growth, you have to accept your ex at face value, too. Sure, he could just be scared by how much he loves you. Sure, he could just want a little bit of space, and maybe he’ll be back. But, I think the best way to move on is to accept this as a full-on breakup. Don’t plan on him coming back. Just keep your head up.

The only thing left to do now is pour all your energy back into yourself. Feel everything you need to feel. Scream into your pillow for now. But tomorrow, find something to focus on. Find a hobby. Do something cool with your hair. Organize your closet. Start on all those home improvement projects you’ve been putting off. Fill your days with something that takes your mind away from your ex and your situation. And one day, you’ll wake up (hotter, more organized, and at peace), and you’ll realize that you’ve moved on.

And that’s, of course, when your ex will come back.

No, but in all seriousness, the only thing to do is take everything day-by-day. It will get better. It always does.

Sadly, I don’t know what your ex was thinking. I would love to get in his head and be able to report back. But begin to examine closure as a privilege, rather than an expectation. Sometimes, life is unfair, and people are cruel. Do I think you’ll never hear from your ex again? Definitely not. They always come back. Do I think you should be counting down the days until you’ll hear from him? No. Because you deserve to live your life to the fullest, even in his absence.

I wish you all the best, Lizzy. And, again, I’m beyond sorry you’re going through this. But you’ve got this, I promise. You’re a powerhouse, and you’ll move past this. Godspeed, my friend.

Love always,
The Winky Peach